Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Monday, October 29, 2012

atlas...

I've been sorting through things. When your mortality is in front of you like mine is you begin to conjure up ideas of people going through your stuff. This haunts me. I think of diet journals or (worse) personal journals - oh God... not those. My innnnner thoughts to be exposed to the grandchildren. Noooooo.

Then there are books. Books tell people exactly who you are which (at times) is a little scary. I love books and really can't have enough of them. Sad thing is: my mother loved books too and I ended up with all of hers as well. I get in my moods for clearing out and in those times Goodwill has a eureka moment because of the beautiful things I give away. And it isn't just the books.

This has had an upside and a downside. My house is pleasantly calm in its lack of clutter but (downside) I had a moment and gave away my mother's four-poster mahogany bed and Queen Anne desk to my handyman. No regrets, but I do need to get a grip and think a little bit more before I do these things.

A few years back, I gave away my record player (regret) and with it, all of my Beatles albums (bigger regret). With digital mania these things just clutter up my house (& my mind) and enough IS enough. My son, Jake, was furious about the Beatles and so I just buy them back from eBay one by one and (little white lie) tell him... "look what I found in the attic, honey." I am truly the queen bee of bullshit.

Clearly, I can't be trusted.

It's like when my daughter (my fourth) asks me about herself as a baby. I make it up. I have absolutely no memory of her, but just that she was this curly-haired darling on my hip during ball games, amusement park visits, beach trips, hikes in the woods, grocery store treks and generally anywhere else her three older brothers needed to go. I meant to be a good mother but I don't remember much. I tried. God knows I tried.

I was more crazy over table manners... but that is because I am my mother's daughter. And with that comes the decision today of which atlas to keep because even though I can find the Republic of Uzbekistan on Google,  Im kind of happy to have my atlas to hold and to look it up the old-fashioned way. My grandchildren won't even know what an atlas is.

Ah, this new age of no books. All the shelves in the future generations will be filled with Pottery Barn fartifacts giving the illusion of having traveled. It is a different world now and I find myself hanging on to the old by a little bitty thread. One day, my grandchildren might run across the atlas and know that it was mine.

I think I am going to go put my name in the front of it right now . I'll tell them it was a 50th birthday present from *President Karimov from Uzbekistan.

* Google.



to Rachel:






In my life, there is no one compared to you.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Poison or no poison?



I think I may go off-roading this time and not do this. My CT scan is November 13th, chemo scheduled for the 15th but if the dreadlies are the same or have lost more poundage, I may forgo this idea. I do have choices. It IS my body.

Then again, I have to consider what happened to Steve Jobs when he thought he was smarter than the average bear.





R.I.P.

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Importance of waist size...

If any doctor tells you to "get a trainer" when you are complaining about your unexplainable waist size, GET A CAT SCAN INSTEAD.

I spent years with a slow-growing lymphoma just to realize that my ONLY symptom was the size of my waist. I've lost 9.5" in my waist over the last year. Unbelievable medical neglect.

SOB




Get a trainer? How about... get a new medical license, Doc.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

O.M.G.

Watching Rachel Maddow is better than Monday night football.


Monday, October 22, 2012

Benihana!

Annual "Sally Did It" Celebration with the fam. Awesome.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

quiet down.

Do as I say, not as I do. I tell strangers stuff they don't need to know, talk when I get nervous, talk when people make me uncomfortable, and (just generally) talk too damn much. I am learning now something that I wish I had known years ago.

Silence has power.
Silence keeps them guessing.
Silence... is golden.

  I didn't write that last one.

If only I had known. I guess it is never too late to stfu. I'm practicing as of late, and I like it. Problem is: people think I am mad when I stfu, which is funny. You teach people how to treat you, and I've taught many people not to respect me because of my need to tell them all the bad things about myself before they figure it out on their own.

I'm learning. I get chemo in November and I am telling no one except my closest peeps. I have so few friends... and the ones I do have are dropping like flies.

I have found that most people are simply not worth my time. Quietly, I am loving the company of myself.

sorry



Silence like a cancer grows...

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Friday, October 5, 2012

Swim with the fishes...




Think about it. You treat your fish-tank so much better than you treat your body. If you left fish in a filthy dirty tank with no filter they would die. Why do you think of your body as any different? I spent years drinking coffee with flavored, franken cream, pretzels with ingredients I couldn't pronounce, non-grassfed meat, dairy, fast food, crackers and cereal with so many ingredients that I needed a freaking dictionary. I have cancer. You don't want it, trust me.

Neither do I.

It is essential to keep your body alkaline so that cancer doesn't like living there... kind of like algae in a tank. All fruits and veggies are alkaline and the rest of the supermarket is acidic. i.e. meat, dairy, sugar, all processed food, booze, and any food that contains chemicals. This does not mean that I am a freak. This just means that I clean my tank several times a day, check my urine with alkaline strips and make SURE it reads green and not yellow. I believe in the 80/20 rule so I eat pasta, sugar and (God knows) I drink. But having cancer is a scary thing and so most of the time I do 95/5. I rarely eat wheat, sugar or dairy. I drink my green-shake 3x a day... and, let's face it... it makes me feel like a million bucks. I am getting a ton of nutrients and filtering out my tank every single day. Also? I don't look like I have cancer or do chemo several times a year. I don't feel like it either.

I use a Magic Bullet.

2 cups spinach/kale
1 cup water
tumeric (cancer cells hate the taste of this)
juice of 1/2 lemon (sounds acidic but VERY alkaline)
2 packages of stevia (so I can stand this shit)

I am empowered to live a beautiful life and filter my tank. Why don't you join me?






Let's all sing!

Chicago


Who needs to stop and have a photo op when we I can squirm out of Nonna's lap and run in the street?

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Summer


is really over.

?

Bruce and I went to Chicago this weekend... came home and the bunk beds have been slept in and there are toys everywhere. I'm not sure if it was grandchildren or there was a Barbie Burglary from some pervert thief.