Friday, December 28, 2012


I trust NO ONE.

sailing...


Sailing with my family on the Chesapeake Bay was one of my fondest memories ever...

thank you, Daddy.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Friday, December 21, 2012

on empty...

No, I haven't been here because I have had nothing to say.

I've been sick with the ongoing cancer thing and then (after that) a bout of E. coli and ended up in the hospital. Ah, no immune system. I mean how boring is it to talk about yourself when it isn't particularly funny. I don't share a lot of truth about the treatment because (again) who really wants to hear that crap, least of all... people going through it. No thanks.

So, there you go. Then there is last Friday morning's massacre at an elementary school, and now I'm really numb. We are all tiny specks in the Universe and yet so precious to the people around us. I'm drawn to watching it. I want to stop but I can't. I want to know them. I need more answers and there aren't any.

I am tired of platitudes. I am really disgusted by the media and its obsession with the details and yet I am drawn to the details. I want to know them more somehow. It upsets me that it isn't just those sweet children we've lost, but it is the lost innocence of all of our children.

I'm having strange thoughts about guns... something I've never been around. I shot a gun once in the basement of my friend's dad's house. My mother would have just died had she known it, but we took large pistols and shot beer cans from a string into a mattress towards the end of his basement in a townhouse in the city. I haven't thought about it much, but know now that it was extremely dangerous and I, too, could have been a statistic on the news due to an irresponsible parent. Now, I wonder if protecting my family isn't something I should ponder. Crazy.

We watch the news because we want to know more. And as much as a don't like to admit it, I want to understand the shooter. I want to understand how a mother could distrust her son so much that she didn't want a sitter to leave him alone and yet, could collect guns including assault rifles inside the house. Who is this imbecile? We don't know everything about that household but we know enough.

Mishigina.

Parents have responsibilities to protect their children from violence in our culture. I did. My children were NEVER allowed to play violent video games or watch Freddie Kruger. I was fine with the some tasteful sexual content because (guess what) sex is normal and curiosity of it is too. I assumed that they had watched the violence at friends' houses, but that WASN'T THE POINT. I wanted them to "get" the values from home that this killing wasn't right. I wanted to drive that home like a MACK truck. I did it with sex and drugs too. Another story, another blog.

I remember a movie called Hush, Hush Sweet Charlotte back in the sixties that my mother and I had seen in the theatre. It cemented my lifetime view of violence. Someone's hand was chopped off and my mother and I were horrified... we couldn't get over it even though the scene was a second's flash. Nowadays, it is not only no big deal, but violence is way longer than a flash... more like HOURS of this stuff. Hollywood had to postpone three (count 'em) three violent movies this week due to the sensitive nature after last week's massacre. WHAT?? How about the sensitive nature of our entire culture of children every day of every year.  This just pisses me off.

This isn't just a gun thing. This is a cultural misstep and a bastardization of our founding fathers' intent of the First and Second Amendment. This has become just gross.

I'm beginning to wonder if the Mayan calendar doesn't have a point about wiping us out today. Noah and your ark? Where the hell are you?

I don't worry about my cancer. The cancer we have in this violent culture is far more scary. At least I have chemo.

I'm still up at 3:15 am because I had the poison anecdote to my new life today and I can't sleep. My joints hurt, I feel like throwing up and I'm so dry in my mouth that I'm swallowing a desert. I don't care. My heart hurts far more because I can't take thinking about those babies gunned down as they were starting their sweet little lives. Parents: get busy. It is up to you.

Enough.




This is my six year-old granddaughter, Lily. I feel so sick, and it isn't about chemo.


Thursday, December 20, 2012

fleas... Navidog



 "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people." Face it. Dogs are nicer.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

reminiscing...


Now? I just feel like shit. Chemo and martinis do not mix.