Thursday, August 21, 2014

Toto come home...

I wish I could have been sixty before I turned thirty. I look back and realized that I was kind of a mess, cared about all the wrong things, and spent years pleasing the wrong people. Actually, pleasing people in general is an awful practice which makes you sick and debilitated. First I tried to please my mother which was virtually impossible... then my friends, and on to the rest of my family - none of it particularly productive to the soul.

Oh, how I wish I would have dreamed bigger and tried harder to be more than what others' reflected view of me was. Parents can put you in a box and leave you there under your own lock and key, but you choose to stay inside the crate even when you could have escaped long ago. It's like Dorothy and her magic shoes where she had the power all along to do anything of her choosing and yet she was stuck in OZ. We have handcuffs tied to our wrists and duct-tape on our mouths when we can click our heels, find our own inner-Wizard and come home to fulfill our dreams any time we want..

My life is fulfilling which may seem odd after sixty-some years of giving myself to other people. Somewhere along the line, I realized that it was in the giving that caused all the aloneness, all the frustration, all the regret, all of the longing, but somehow...  in spite of those things, caused all of the joy. 

I am truly home.

Friday, August 8, 2014