Tuesday, November 11, 2014


The changes to our culture through social media has made me feel as though we are being taken over by a nasty machine. I find myself being sucked into it, but I don't want to succumb to the monster. If I am being pulled into the vortex, what the hell will this is mean for my grandchildren, and to their children?

I am blessed to have been raised in a simpler time. Yes.  I'm in awe of those who invented all this nonsense, but somehow, for all of its technological cleverness, the web of lies has isolated and depressed us all as we compare ourselves to the masses of photoshopped strangers. How this will translate to impressionable ten year-olds scares the hell out of me. In the land where prettiness is king, violence is just another game, and isolation is an indoor sport... 

Earth, we have a problem.

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Toto come home...

I wish I could have been sixty before I turned thirty. I look back and realized that I was kind of a mess, cared about all the wrong things, and spent years pleasing the wrong people. Actually, pleasing people in general is an awful practice which makes you sick and debilitated. First I tried to please my mother which was virtually impossible... then my friends, and on to the rest of my family - none of it particularly productive to the soul.

Oh, how I wish I would have dreamed bigger and tried harder to be more than what others' reflected view of me was. Parents can put you in a box and leave you there under your own lock and key, but you choose to stay inside the crate even when you could have escaped long ago. It's like Dorothy and her magic shoes where she had the power all along to do anything of her choosing and yet she was stuck in OZ. We have handcuffs tied to our wrists and duct-tape on our mouths when we can click our heels, find our own inner-Wizard and come home to fulfill our dreams any time we want..

My life is fulfilling which may seem odd after sixty-some years of giving myself to other people. Somewhere along the line, I realized that it was in the giving that caused all the aloneness, all the frustration, all the regret, all of the longing, but somehow...  in spite of those things, caused all of the joy. 

I am truly home.

Friday, August 8, 2014

Friday, June 27, 2014


Yesterday was my last chemo after three years of treatment. From Don King to Bob Marley to Princess Leia, to the Geisha girl to the cueball.... it's been a wild ride.  I hope the cancer in my belly doesn't come back, but going through this has changed my life. I am no longer worried about dying. At all. So.Weird.

I am far more concerned about the way I live my life. I am no longer a fan of organized religion. I have seen far too much hypocrisy in those people who get on their knees and pray for everything holy including their prayers for you and for me, but won't even do you a damn favor or bring you a glass of water when you are thirsty. I seriously don't think this is what Jesus meant when he walked on the water and led you into opening those expensive churches. Some days I wonder if He is the one who shudders. I'll stay home with my Bible all by myself, thank you.

I live with the spirit that's been nurtured inside me and know that all that is holy lives there. I am  visiting Earth, and see now that I get a very short time here. I will continue all of my days doing the right thing, trying to have decent intent and love in all that I do. I don't care at all how long I'm here. I see so many people being fearful of their death. They shudder because they are alone and selfish. Be afraid if you live with evil intent towards others because at the end of your days you will feel like ordering a shit sandwich on rye toast. Hold the mercy.

As you prepare to die, look back upon your life and dwell on the beautiful, joyful and happy treatment you had towards others. It's not too late. If you are in my particular life right now, and are dragging me into your evilness, nasty attitude and pettiness, be prepared to have me slowly but methodically run from away you. You are not worth the small moments I have left to share in the gift of the beauty I see. If you envision the glass half empty, get out. If you can't do your neighbor a favor, begin to wonder why. Is life ALL about you? Really?

I've been through hell and back in more ways than one, and rarely complain about it. You know why?Because cancer is the best damn thing that ever happened to me. #cancergivesback

"Be the change you want too see in the world... " Mahatma Gandhi