Here's the thing...

This cancer thing has a learning curve.

The first two weeks is a Xanax trip because it is all about stress and fear of dying.

The next few weeks is about figuring out how to be comfortable and stop from killing yourself from boredom before the cancer kills you.

The next few weeks is to wake up to realize that you are probably the only person on the planet who will gain weight during chemo, and come to terms that you must resort to controlled dieting or become really obese. Only me.

I now understand that you get chemo, you have exactly one day and 3 hours before you are utterly sick for fifteen days. You then have seven days of feeling normal. Each chemo you get sicker and weaker. It is a head- trip.

You must determine what you can and cannot eat during the fifteen days. It is living hell especially if you love to eat. I eat to stay alive during this time because I can taste nothing. My taste buds are gone until day 15. I am usually in tears by day 6.

Caffeine and Prednisone do not mix. They don't tell you this in Indiana. hyper+hyper+Sally=death.

Losing your hair is more horrifying than you think.

Cancer is sent from God. I appreciate every person in my family around 100 times more than I did. I also realize who my friends are. It becomes crystal clear in a very short time. I am far more spiritual and more sure of what is important. I no longer care about stupid things and obsess about broken dishes. I don't even care if I HAVE dishes. On my good week, I am almost giddy as I go through my normal day that I used to take for granted. Health is unappreciated by most.

Indiana is a backward state and it pisses me off that I was sent home with evil chemicals in my body with absolutely zero information about holistic ways to help me heal. Shame on them. Massage is essential as are hot baths. I am beyond appalled with the lack of advice I've gotten about nutrition and it if weren't for the internet I would not have survived this siege to my immune system and to my emotional state. If I didn't have a sense of humor, I would have committed harakiri weeks ago.

I fought taking pain killers and now realize they were invented for me.

I will be forever changed. Believe it or not, it is in a very good way. If I had known, I would have prayed to get cancer a long time ago. It is a gift.

who knew?