a gift

I wish everyone who is down or depressed could have the fear of cancer for ten minutes. I think most people are far too unaware of how lucky they are to be walking through the day without fear, pain, anxiety or uncertainty.

We are all going to die, but if you knew when it was, would you be different? Would you act a bit nicer to people? Would you choose to do things that were more fun; more satisfying? We all have the end of life in the back of our mind, but we never stop to realize that we only get one shot here. It isn't a dress rehearsal, and if you treat it without honor and respect you are losing something in the mix.

I wonder as I wake up in the middle of the night (every night) whether this dread I feel over dying too young is somewhat of an advantage. I no longer hang around with people I don't like. If someone shows me that they are petty or negative, my life is too damn short to spend any time around them. I am easier-going when I've broken something, when I am running late, or if I can't find my keys. What is the worst thing that can happen? Recently, I've lost my wedding pictures. I thought I put them in a certain book, but when I went to grab them, they weren't there. I don't care. If the generation after my grandchildren gives a shit (at all) it will be an absolute miracle. What is this fear over not living forever? Face it. You aren't going to. So, the best you can do is to make the most of what you have while you are here. The only way to truly live on is to have people remember you. I would like to be remembered the good way, not "gee, the bitch died" so bye-bye way.

I hope to have accomplished that, and continue to live for others which, when it is all said and done, is the only thing there really is. If you can make yourself happy in the process, good for you. Funny thing is, doing for others does make you happy. At least it's works for me.

It's a sparse life living only for yourself. Each to his own, but it's not for me.