expectations...

I know. That "lower your expectations" for marital advice sounded just awful because most people can't handle the truth. They want more (uh) delicacy.

Right.

When people get married, they have no clue who they are marrying and pretty much figure if it doesn't work out... well,  if it doesn't work out just...   leave. The BEST thing you can do for any relationship is to lower unrealistic expectations. Then, if something goes right, you will be pleasantly delighted.

The saga of my personal growth towards marital bliss is quite telling. It began very innocently around 1969.  I knew early on that my husband wrapped nothing. He didn't propose in any particular way either other than.. "are we doing this?"  The romance almost knocked me over. There was no ring. No velvet box. No ceremony. Just a question of practical means. After that, there were no anniversary presents... remember? He wraps nothing. I used to get pissed.  (expectations) Then, I realized that this was what I signed up for the day I said yes to the non-proposal. He's NEVER wrapped a gift. Frankly, he never did before we got married so what was I trying to do to myself as the years progressed. If I thought about it too much I might have had a little snit... so I kept much of this to myself.

After several decades of this bullshit, I finally realized that he wasn't being mean; he was just being himself: a person who wraps nothing. It was then that I had an epiphany.  I began to lower my expectations in all my relationships and they all got better. Another good example: my brother doesn't visit me. He never has. He never will. It used to piss me off (more expectations)  until I understood that this is my brother. It isn't a personal thing. He just doesn't do visiting. When I realized that he was just being himself, I began to relax.

So in case you didn't like the last entry; feeling that it was a bit too blunt or insensitive... I was just being my quintessential honest self... he doesn't wrap? I don't ever lie.  It annoys and confuses people, but I'm just being who I am. Some people don't wrap or visit. I don't tell you the anniversary sap that you are dying to hear. So there.

You want to stay married? Understand who you are marrying the day you do it and you might have a prayer of having it last for more than five years.

We now have a great relationship. I just buy myself things and wrap up whatever I like.

He pays for it.