Nope.

As much as I try, there will be little sleeping tonight. Tomorrow morning is the result of my CT scan for the Lymphoma. I was surviving because of the chemo, and I have been off of it for eight weeks. So in the morning, I will find out if it is leaving or if it is coming back.

I am hoping for the best but preparing for the worst. I asked to go to the appointment alone. If it is bad news, I need to sit in the parking lot alone for a while and deal with the ordeal of my future. My arm is so black and blue that I am beginning to wear long sleeves because I look like a heroin addict. I went to the ER last week (again) due to passing out after my blood being drawn. (again) I was hooked up and watched for four hours. The chemicals have all but ruined my joints, and I creak when I get out of a chair. I dream of working out, but I am not sure I ever will again.

I am gaining weight which pisses me off. Sitting is just not my thing, but it is all I feel like doing. I think that that attitude is due to depression. If they tell me I am okay, I will be going to the gym in the morning and hitting it hard.

I can only hope.