Road Rage...

I'm not proud. I have it. I mean, why do people have to drive like fucking idiots. Oops. Did I say that out loud?

Sorry.

It was just one of those days where everywhere I drove was pure hell. I used to have quite a lead-foot years ago until I understood that people could die... including myself. So I've slowed down. I've gotten so many tickets now that if I get another one I will be going to driving school, so I am known now for my poky driving. Except the day before the chemo, that is. I carry my stress inside. Yes, I am a talker but I don't talk about my illness or treatments or my death. I don't even like walking into the hospital cancer center with the bag of comfortable blankets and pillows. Admitting that I am sick is such a life-altering thing. It's humbling. I will forever have that as a scar on my perfect health. Me: Cancer patient.

And yes, this will be for the rest of my life. What I have doesn't go into remission, so I plug along. I go to appointments, pull up my sleeve and take the painful prick of poison. For life. I try not to think of what it is doing to the rest of my good cells. I bury that. Well, let's face it. I don't bury it too deep because my road rage the day before the chemo was downright legendary.

I got behind this older (okay probably my age) lady in this red sedan. She was driving (you know) five mph under the limit, which considering I prefer five mph over the limit... we were experiencing a 10mph disparity that was making me seethe. I began tailgating her, putting up that one disgusted arm in the air, swearing (as I do), and... everywhere I was going it was though she was trying to go to the same place just to piss me off. If she took a left, I was... if she was taking  right (yes) I was going there as well. OMG.

Torture.

So, as we were getting to "our" Whole Foods destination. I was behind her finding myself ranting and raving as she stopped waaaaay too long at a stop sign. Okay... enough was enough I was being wilding dramatic at this point only to realize that there was a blind lady I hadn't seen trying to edge painstakingly across her path. I felt terrible. I had lost control of everything I knew about myself. I sat, as I perspired, at the Whole Foods parking lot and started to laugh at my craziness. This wasn't just a giggle but a whole-hearted belly laugh because it was so against my patient character. As my palm held my laughter in my mouth I found myself beginning to cry. Laughter and tears are so close, you know.

My life has changed so much. It is sad in kind of a funny, road rage way, and...  on my way to buy organic vegetables, I just got caught in its path.

Ah, cancer.