Why should I be afraid of dying of cancer? A meteor could hit my house any second now.

What me worry?

For the record, I don't believe in funerals or burials. I think taking room up in a cemetery on Earth is just ridiculous. Viewings are grotesque. Depressing black clothes reflect sadness and do not celebrate a beautiful, joyful life. Instead of all that insane hoopla, I am having a very large party at the dance studio with all my favorite hip-hop music. I may request a signature drink, line dances and balloon rides. If my kids insist on having a traditional funeral, I simply refuse to be a part of it.

Smack it up, flip it, rub it down.