yikes...

The changes to our culture through social media has made me feel as though we are being taken over by a nasty machine. I find myself being sucked into it, but I don't want to succumb to the monster. If I am being pulled into the vortex, what the hell will this is mean for my grandchildren, and to their children?

I am blessed to have been raised in a simpler time. Yes.  I'm in awe of those who invented all this nonsense, but somehow, for all of its technological cleverness, the web of lies has isolated and depressed us all as we compare ourselves to the masses of photoshopped strangers. How this will translate to impressionable ten year-olds scares the hell out of me. In the land where prettiness is king, violence is just another game, and isolation is an indoor sport... 

Earth, we have a problem.

State of Mind...

Toto come home...

I wish I could have been sixty before I turned thirty. I look back and realized that I was kind of a mess, cared about all the wrong things, and spent years pleasing the wrong people. Actually, pleasing people in general is an awful practice which makes you sick and debilitated. First I tried to please my mother which was virtually impossible... then my friends, and on to the rest of my family - none of it particularly productive to the soul.

Oh, how I wish I would have dreamed bigger and tried harder to be more than what others' reflected view of me was. Parents can put you in a box and leave you there under your own lock and key, but you choose to stay inside the crate even when you could have escaped long ago. It's like Dorothy and her magic shoes where she had the power all along to do anything of her choosing and yet she was stuck in OZ. We have handcuffs tied to our wrists and duct-tape on our mouths when we can click our heels, find our own inner-Wizard and come home to fulfill our dreams any time we want..

My life is fulfilling which may seem odd after sixty-some years of giving myself to other people. Somewhere along the line, I realized that it was in the giving that caused all the aloneness, all the frustration, all the regret, all of the longing, but somehow...  in spite of those things, caused all of the joy. 

I am truly home.

Listen to your inner voice...

thank you, Robin

The Wisdom of Elliott Hulse...

Don't invite cancer in for chip and dip...

Sugar - cause of Candida - Candida cause of Cancer?

:)

Hot/Crazy Matrix

#cancergivesback

Yesterday was my last chemo after three years of treatment. From Don King to Bob Marley to Princess Leia, to the Geisha girl to the cueball.... it's been a wild ride.  I hope the cancer in my belly doesn't come back, but going through this has changed my life. I am no longer worried about dying. At all. So.Weird.

I am far more concerned about the way I live my life. I am no longer a fan of organized religion. I have seen far too much hypocrisy in those people who get on their knees and pray for everything holy including their prayers for you and for me, but won't even do you a damn favor or bring you a glass of water when you are thirsty. I seriously don't think this is what Jesus meant when he walked on the water and led you into opening those expensive churches. Some days I wonder if He is the one who shudders. I'll stay home with my Bible all by myself, thank you.

I live with the spirit that's been nurtured inside me and know that all that is holy lives there. I am  visiting Earth, and see now that I get a very short time here. I will continue all of my days doing the right thing, trying to have decent intent and love in all that I do. I don't care at all how long I'm here. I see so many people being fearful of their death. They shudder because they are alone and selfish. Be afraid if you live with evil intent towards others because at the end of your days you will feel like ordering a shit sandwich on rye toast. Hold the mercy.

As you prepare to die, look back upon your life and dwell on the beautiful, joyful and happy treatment you had towards others. It's not too late. If you are in my particular life right now, and are dragging me into your evilness, nasty attitude and pettiness, be prepared to have me slowly but methodically run from away you. You are not worth the small moments I have left to share in the gift of the beauty I see. If you envision the glass half empty, get out. If you can't do your neighbor a favor, begin to wonder why. Is life ALL about you? Really?

I've been through hell and back in more ways than one, and rarely complain about it. You know why?Because cancer is the best damn thing that ever happened to me. #cancergivesback

"Be the change you want too see in the world... " Mahatma Gandhi

You want a perfect life?

1. Lower all your expectations in every relationship

2. Quit making eveything about you

3. Get lost in your favorite music (better yet - make your own)

4. Stop eating crap
5. Do something you absolutely love every day

6. Quit bitching. Today.

7. Get cancer... (any kind will do) so you get some perspective.

Love me some Will...  some of MY favorite music

hunger for color...

Roasted carrots, beets, sweet potatoes

 sea salt

cracked pepper

olive oil

lemon thyme

Holy balls...  Im good!

Killing it...

Oh joy.

mixed greens

egg

chick peas

roasted beets

toasted pine nuts

olive oil

balsamic reduction

sea salt

cracked pepper

Lord have mercy.

In recent lab studies on human tumor cells, the betanin pigment in beets slows the growth of the little suckers. They inhibit pro-inflammatory enzymes and are powerful anti-oxidants. Take THAT, dreadly.

Extra virgin Siberian pine nut oil is a rich source of natural antioxidants, such as vitamin E, carotenoids 

(including beta-carotene, used by our bodies to produce vitamin A), niacin (vitamin PP), magnesium, 

copper, iron, zinc, manganese, and sulfur-containing amino acids. POW, WACK, to "free radicals" and dreadly bastards.

Lions and Tigers and Asbestos, oh my...

It is shocking that asbestos is a free-wheeling radical in our environment that should be banned. Read about my friend, Heather, below:



http://www.mesothelioma.com/heather/awareness/#.U06YOccRb0o

I give in...

I'm turning into my mother....

The standards of culture have changed. There is nothing left anymore except for pop-culture. The Kardashians are winning.

Vogue speaks...

Hail to the Queen...

I'm in love with all things Nonnie, but being the grandmother to my son's children has a unique flavor due to the hand that rocks him - his wife. Even though I am a strong, accomplished woman, I'm finding that there's a definitive learning-curve to this new role. I must relinquish power, and relax. After all, my job is done. Santa has passed the proverbial torch, and a new woman has arrived with a smile on her face, art projects in tow, and a glass of wine in her hand.

After thirty-six years of being Mommy, I know too many things, but need to keep them all to myself. This takes practice and perseverance.

Yikes.

I've learned to take it in stride, enjoy the babies, and put my own insecurities where they belong... buried under my tongue instead of having a weak moment and spitting out my opinions all over their kitchen. It is a delicate balance in order to keep the real mommy happy.

Mommy is the Queen after all. I know this because I, too, sat perched on my throne for many years. Frankly? I've never been happier. I get all the adoration and none of the stickiness on my floor.

Ah... the balance makes me want to do the happy.

I'm hungry, dammit...

I'm beginning to go to the grocery and remain befuddled as to what I should eat. I'm also afraid to drink the water, eat processed food, and have sex with the wrong cancer-causing lubricant. 

I know vegetables are the way to anti-oxidize myself but (crap) all the time? And if the source of my vegetables is questionable, then I've just eaten an apple sprayed down with Raid. That will surely mess up my cells and mutate my blood supply. It's a quandary of marketing decisions when it comes to Sally's daily palate. 

I'm afraid to touch meat that isn't from a decent source knowing that grain-fed is as bad as the ticking apple time-bomb. Supermarket dairy causes inflammation, phlegm, and is nasty elixir of antibiotics. Soy milk is a phytoestrogen that fuels acne and (most probably) breast cancer. Yum. Mind you, processed soy is NOT fermented soy from Japan so don't let Monsanto fool you with their little tap dance. There goes my beloved aged Gouda cheese, my daily lattes and my egg salad on toast. 

And then there are the highly processed gluten-laden products that clog Mr. Colon and drag down Mrs. Regular giving you the gift of that dreaded Ms. Heartbreaking Hemorrhoid with the bad manners and the itchy personality. It's downright exhausting.

Sorry.

That leaves me with nothing from Dairy Queen, Panera, most grocery stores and anything cooked by my husband, Bruce:  the carnivore devil who pushes a plethora of evil animal flesh with a chaser of Butter Pecan hell-on-Earth. I can't hide. 

Bugger.  My goal in life is just balance, which at this point doesn't seem possible with my Sybil personality around every corner. Frankly, I'm in a sushi mood today but with the latest Tsunami from Japan, God knows how nuclear my fish has become. I could be strung out like a black light by the dinner hour tomorrow, but may eat the little rolls anyway. 

For my weekly food dilemma, that leaves me with nothing more to consume than an aged Zinfandel. Alrighty then. 

Sayonara.