Hell no. I've been with the same man for forty-five years, but have been with at least five different partners (in him... ). I married this insecure little boy because I was a child myself without a definitive plan except to get away from home any way I could... short of becoming an eccentric Gypsy and developing a magic act with my best friend. I did leave home believing I could be anything I wanted to be including a politician, a singer, mother of ten or a wandering Jew.
All I know is that from years of having this relationship to a man with whom I have zero in common, we have bonded over the most important thing in life - our family. By the book, we shouldn't be together at all. I come from Christian Science academia types who used linen napkins. He comes from Jewish factory workers who used the wrong fork. I come from Emily Post and reading the classics. He comes from immigrants whose greatest pleasure was owning and becoming obsessed with their color TV. We didn't own a color TV, and dragged the tiny black and white one (this was the 50s) around to different areas of the house to watch the random documentary on the African Dung beetle.
Where my husband and I did connect from early on was food. Yes, we are both foodies. Is this a prerequisite to having a soulmate?
Uh, no.
But, foodies do require a stocked kitchen which is inside a house of some kind and so you can't have one without the other: co-habitation. I am a fabulous cook, but my non-soulmate partner takes it to another level. Even though it seems as though I may be rambling... I am here to tell you that having a longterm relationship has nothing to do with anything except having something you share. Even something small. It clearrrrrrly isn't background, education, or (as mother would put it in her East coast canine-bitch-speak: BREEDING.
Gah.
Bottom line: if you want a longterm relationship, family (or a hobby to share) is enough. Hell, anything that you share a passion for will keep you ticking together for decades - like an interest in African Dung beetles. Soulmate? Us? Not so much. The problem with people today and marriage is that their expectations are waaaaay too high for another person to fill every need. Fill your own damn needs and enjoy doing something daily with your partner, and maybe (just maybe) you can have a chance to have it last more than five years.
Will there come a time when he will piss me off (again) and I'll dream of moving to NYC (again) and becoming a Gypsy with a magic act? You bet. I'm human. Not to mention, I have a great imagination which could take me anywhere I want any time a day. What the hell... I may learn to juggle oranges this month.
Honestly? This man of mine has had to put up with my brand of crazy wannabe Gypsy nut for most of his life. Not to mention, I am utterly unable to assemble anything with instructions.
Respect.
What you want, baby I got it.
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