oh my

I found a lump under my clavicle yesterday and called the dermatologist when.... my friend Mo (a breast cancer "survivor") shook me up a bit over coffee and told me to call my oncologist ASAP.

I hate that word "survivor" because it is so overused but the alternative ain't so pretty. Whatever.

I called him.

I waited for 1.5 hours (love doctors) and the NP came in and looked perplexed because she couldn't tell what it was either.

fear.

waiting.... waiting....

Okay, I am now reading a magazine devoted to the Holy City, which is completely mesmerizing as I am drinking my low-fat frappuccino... I'm not sure if I am really concentrating about the Western Wall, Dome of the Rock or my funeral next year. Will Bruce play my favorite Gospel music? Probably not.

I'm rambling off the topic. Sorry.

So, the NP goes to get the doctor. (another 20 minutes of waiting)

I am now worrying with the damn lump to the point of it sporting a purple glow and becoming more nervous. I am realizing that this type of fear will be my next challenge in life because even zits will become a situation. Fun.

Doc comes in. Checks it out. Looks concerned for a moment because it is so close to the lymph node area... then

decides...

Go home. You are fine. Sebaceous thing-a-ma-giggy, whatcha-ma-call-it.

byebye. I am beginning to hate being sick.

It sucks the big one.

feel great!

The latest Santa look. I'm keeping it and going to the barber for a #2.

Explanation of da Cancer situation:

For slow-growing lymphomas, long-term survival is common, although they cannot be cured. More aggressive tumors are more dangerous, but a permanent cure is possible. The lymphoma type, its effects, and its growth rate determine the best treatment.

I have the slow, incurable kind. Am I happy about this? No. But it is what it is and I just have to move on - I feel great and am doing everything I normally do - except work, which I think is over for me. I'm just enjoying my life and making the best of things. I still get super tired and am on the net too much but I can, so I do.

I am continuing to shrink which makes me happy. I don't have any idea how I lived with a waist over 40" for so long but now at least I have an explanation.

I get another chemo drug in November after I get the petscan in October. Oh how fun. If I lose my hair I won't have much to lose, eh?

Can't wait until it gets cooler - the weather here is like an oven.

Peace out.

Gomez says, "Sally lost 11 inches in her waist. Ridunkulus!"

perfect day...

Breakfast with Brenda, a little lipstick and a 90 minute massage. Ah, yes... life seems pretty good right now. I even went out without the ball-cap. I'm never dying my hair again.

xo

Depressed?

Okay - that was the last 2 weeks. I have decided to get over myself and move on. I feel terrific. Lost 25 lbs, and feel like I'm 40. I swam 50 laps and another 20 in a larger pool today. I played with the grands all day in the pool, and didn't even want to go home.

If I am dying I am not going to die in a bad mood. That just seems useless and a waste of valuable time. I trust my doctor, my blood pressure is 112/63 and I could run a few miles if it weren't for blowing out my ankle a few years ago.

I haven't indulged myself in self-pity for the last 6 months. I have been on the internet too much over the last 2 weeks and have been super depressed as I read the odds of getting past the next 10 years with this disease of mine. Exercise, to me, is the key to depression. I know this, and yet I sit on my butt and continue to worry about the future. Stupid.

I am bone tired tonight because I was running around all day long. I feel terrific and am glad to be alive. Woop. Woop.

good news/bad news

I have non-Hodgkins lymphoma. That is the bad news. The good news is: it can be managed until my bod can't take the chemo anymore. For now, the cancer remains and the tumor is a golfball, not a football - so the chemo worked. It remains to be seen if the golfball will dissipate. And so I wait.

My hair is longer every day. Fun.

my coloring is even better!

C-Results on Friday! Funny, I'm not such a pink person but maybe all that has changed. As long as I don't start wearing jewelry with little hearts and ponies on it, I can try it out.

I took a 2 mile bike ride in 105 degree heat this morning. I rock the big one, baby.

yo Pete

You are such a doll, but I can kind of see where she's is coming from - the blacker I get. My friend calls me Uncle Tom. LOL

I feel terrific.

haha...

I look like a little bald, black man. I've never worked on my tan thinking I might get cancer. oh well - I already have cancer so decided to just enjoy my pool as a recuperate. I have the whitest hair I've ever seen. I'm so happy to have hair but will be even happier to find out my petscan results next Friday. woohoo.

I love being so energetic. ahhh - life.

hmmm

I'm supposed to be feeling better but depression has set in and my feet are stuck like glue in it. I'm going to try harder today to be me, but my life doesn't feel the same. I need to own it, and get out of the house and live.

I'm not bouncing back very well. Doc says that some people don't bounce back physically as well as others. I guess I am one of those people. I'm just very, very tired - and scared.

My shopping therapy is getting embarrassing. Kinda fun, though.