911

Where have I been lately?

Sleeping.

I got a call from the doctor two days ago telling me to get to the office if I could before noon. I had called yesterday to tell them that I am losing weight but that my waistline is now 46" (I measured it and completely panicked) which made them want to see me asap. I got myself dressed wishing I had kept maternity clothes, and although I was shaky, I thought I could get there on my own.

I text Bruce who was ready to kill me for leaving in the car by myself. I do need a nanny, or at least some decent ankle restraints. I know how strong I am (uh... before all this) and thought I could do it. Mistake. I was shaky with a low white-cell count and it was hard concentrating on the road. Trip to the doctor office? Uneventful, but a really stupid move on my part.

I get there as I feel the first Spring day hit my face. I say a little prayer of "thanks for giving me cancer" because life seems much more simple and filled with gratefulness now. Things like being in a hurry for an appointment or a bill being late don't seem so pertinent. Lucky I never cared so much about a perfect house when my kids were little because throwing that ball to them was the thing - as it turns out. If I live through this, I think my glasses will forever be rosey-colored. I want for nothing. I am not looking for anything outside of my family or beyond waking up in the morning.

I almost faint as I get to the elevator. I realize now that I am an idiot to have gone alone. I walk in, get to the office, they see my pale face and take me right in. Doc doesn't like the look of the distended belly and needs more blood tests. I'm escorted to the lab. Everything else happened in about two minutes. I sit down, I look at the clock, I tell Bruce who has met me there that I had better eat.stat - it is close to lunch and that I was so shaky... he leaves and in what seems like 30 seconds brings me a banana. The tech says in the protocol-voice, "you can't bring that in here." Pokes my arm....

Perfect storm.

I don't remember anything after this. I had seizure-like symptoms. The tech yells for the nurse, the nurse comes, panics and calls the doctor and the doctor says "call 911." I remember them trying to talk to me and that I felt drunk. The nurses tried but could not get a IV in because I had 80/zip pressure. I am now getting angina really bad, and they are asking me questions. I'm not a good listener anyway but answering them was challenging. I'm feeling disoriented as they wheel me out the back door to the ambulance. (I'm worried about my purse - which I find as a healthy sign. I ask them four times if Bruce has it.) I'm half asleep as a guy named Rick is taking my vitals. I am thinking that maybe my brain is okay because I want to know each specific number number. BP? 136/86 I was probably as annoying to Rick as I was to the doc who did my colonoscopy. I tell Rick about the food incident. I ask him to take my blood sugar, and that I'm curious. My mother is still on my shoulder telling me to be a complete pain in the ass. I hear the driver say. "we are taking her to Methodist." I argue,

"No we aren't, I want to go to St Vincent, Carmel. I live across the street." He confirms with dispatcher if that is okay... and now Frick (Rick) in the front and Frack in the back are trying to figure out how to get there. I am looking at the white ceiling with strange stainless paraphernalia on it realizing that although I may be having a heart attack, a seizure or a pulmonary embolism that I am still sharp as a tack and my usual pain-in-the-ass self.

This seems good to me.

Frack, muffled out a question from the front... "So we take a right on Meridian?" Are you kidding me? My strength is waning, but I almost sit up to say, "NO, it is left, go left! Go north on Meridian." Frick says, "are you sure"? Frack says, "yes the woman is sure." My breathing is becoming labored. I tell him I need some oxygen. Thank you, Sara Marie for speaking up about that. Hooks up tubes in my nose. Pressure on my chest is frankly beginning to worry me. I say to my Maker - thanks for allowing me to have such levity, humor and clarity on my way out. These guys are lame. I'm smiling to myself now thinking about my bitchy mother.

Frack: "I see Carmel Medical Building"

Sally: "No, not it"

Frack: It is 106th st. I should take a right here"?

Sally: (half -sitting) "NOooooo, stay north on Meridian"

Frick: "to 116th"

Sally: (now clear to myself that I am more coherent and smarter than either one of these ying yangs) "Nooo. North on Meridian to 136th - there's a strip mall, a bunch of trees, a field... blah blah blah."

I will make the rest of the story short. In one day, I had a seizure, a heart attack, a blood clot on my lung, a swollen pancreas, and death. But through hours of testing it all ended up being just low blood sugar, low white blood cell count and 80/zip pressure causing seizure-like symptoms. The loss of blood by the tech taking blood put my system in jeopardy. Stupid lab tech. Where was my mother when I needed her?

Sara Marie would have punched the tech out and eaten her damn banana.

zzzzzzzzzzz