Dreadly perspective...

I'm in shock that this crazy disease has given me so much. I want nothing. I need nothing. There is not one other way that I would have felt so happy to just BE. I have now embraced something close to the Tao. I've read about it, but I was far too much of this earth, its pleasures and pain to be fully immersed in the calm.

Cancer has given me a tranquility that I've never experienced. I'm a better listener because every sound resonates more crisply. My mind is clearer. There is very little that depresses or worries me. I can sit with fourteen strands of tangled Christmas lights, and feel nothing but peace in slowly undoing the snarl. I enjoy simple tasks that used to annoy me. I'm not in a hurry to get anything done because I can look at every single minute I have here as a gift. I am so grateful to have experienced this. Mostly, I am beyond blessed to be a child of God and know that I will be okay no matter what happens to me. I'm not afraid.

I'm tired after Friday's ordeal, but spent the next day setting our table. I have some little people who are kind of excited to be here on Thursday.

The Tao is so empty,
So hollow.
Yet somehow its usefulness is inexhaustible
It is so very deep
So very profound.
Like the source of everything.

It blunts the sharpest edges
Unties the knots
Softens the glare

It is so very deep
So tranquil
It seems to barely exist at all.
Its origin is unknown
It preceded the Gods themselves.