Cancer perks...

I always have an excuse not to be social.
I have a reason to get off the phone.
I can look like shit at any time of day and people expect it.
I can leave parties early.
People pay for my lunch?!?
I am beyond joyful every day that I wake up.
Unless I get nailed by a Mack truck, I know how I'm going to die.
People are much nicer to me.
People who don't like me act like they do now.
I can take naps during family functions.
I can get out of menial tasks.
My neighbors treat me with kid gloves.
My mailman won't knock on my door for fear of waking me up.
My neighbors "     "        "      "    "     "    "    "     "       "    "  .
My friends "    "     "       "      "    "     "    "    "     "       "    " .
My in-laws "   "     "      "       "     "     "    "    "     "       "    " .
People cook and bake stuff for me.
My brother actually calls me.
My doctor gets me "in" in 30 minutes.
I don't work because of my delicate condition.
I sleep in every morning.
I play piano for hours at a time.
I paint any time I feel like it.
I read while basking at my pool every afternoon.

Yeah. Other than my imminent death, my life is pure hell.