my lady bits...

I couldn't decide what to wear yesterday and changed several times. I don't usually do this but this morning was different. I've had some stuff on my mind lately and so it has been difficult to concentrate on mundane things like clothes.

Sooo, as a woman, you not only have to change the top but what is underneath the top as well so you don't have a black bra under a white shirt thus looking like Madonna. I am dressed and out the door though still preoccupied. I am halfway to my destination when I stopped at Target for some gum. As I walked past a mirror I looked at it in horror seeing that I had worn a white bra under a navy blue loosely knit top - and with my knockers looked like two headlights looking for my destination in the fog. Curses.

I was far too distant from home to go change so I went into the dressing room to take the bra off thinking (in my emotional stupor) that I could go braless. Clearly, that was thirty years ago. This woman needs a crane and metal scaffolding to hold up these titties.

I am now braless skulking perilously through the bra department grabbing the 38Ds which are very hard to find because in Target most woman must be normal C cups. I find one in a silver grey. I grab it. Unlike Victoria's Secret shelf full of pricey boob-meisters, this one was only $14.99. I could justify this purchase.

I got to the car with my red and white Target bag forgetting that putting this on in the car is not going to be as easy as it may have been in the 80's. I strategically parked behind some pushes so the entire interstate wasn't privy to my boob job. Getting the white bra off was nothing compared to the nightmare of getting the other one on. Yes, it was too small. Are you kidding me? Do I have the biggest tits in Indiana or what? This is just wrong.

I put it on anyway. I slid it on backwards and then scooted it around and by this time I was sweating like a farm animal, and getting a heart-rate worthy of Zumba. It took five big pulls to switch it to the front but for a good five minutes had one cup heading North and one heading West. Everyone knows that boobs are supposed to be headed in the same direction at last after the bra goes on. 

After this ordeal, I knew I had no choice but to go home or head to Victoria and choke up $74 *which wasn't going to happen* since I had a draw full of decent Ds in my dresser.

I was late... but at least I had moral-boob-support.

Gahh.