Everyone is so excited about places like the beach and Las Vegas.
Beach? Sand up your ass
Vegas? Too many people
Beach? Too much sun causes cancer
Vegas? I hate to gamble
Beach? Not in love with bathing suits and sunburns
Vegas? Shopping is stupidly expensive
Beach? Again, too many people
Vegas? It brings out the worst plastic, obnoxious, loud, rude, white wristwatched, jazzo saccaharine people in America whose dreams and fantasies are just about as ridiculous as the sin in this stupid city. You want "the" Paris? Go to f'ing Paris.
Beach? Beach chairs are not comfortable and lying beached-whale-prone on hard sand is even worse...
Vegas? Is a whole lotta nothin'
Beach? Fear of sharks - so swimming there is not my thing...
Vegas? Filled with drunk people who smoke
Beach? It is packed with underdressed, overweight people
Vegas? I have seen the fountain. Yes. It was very cool coordinated to Barry Manilow favorites. Once was enough.
Beach? The sand that ruins my camera and my cell phone is way too hot for my delicate feet.
Vegas? It is too hot there
Beach? Those damn birds take my lunch that took me an hour to pack...
So there.
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