Normal is what every cancer patient wants. We want every day things to occur. All of the stuff you wish would go away are the things that people, like me, with cancer languish over. Working, cleaning, yard-work, and chores. When you are "normal" your desire is to relax and get away from the chores of life and hang out in bed and watch movies or do a hobby... you are always looking forward to find something better than the mundane usual things.
You have no idea how great it feels to be able to hop in a car and "run" to the store. I had one moment when I couldn't even walk down the street or make it up a whole flight of stairs. I don't want to go through that again but my cancer is the type that returns, and fighting it will be a matter of course. I know this. Most of the time I ignore it, but all of the normal things now seem a bit desirable. Most people at 60 want to retire. I want to work. Why? Because work feels normal. I want to exercise and complain about my abs because for me? That is normal.
My weight obsession has turned to a new bizarre angle. The only weight I ever had was in my abdomen. And now, because of the origination of my lymphoma, I am measuring my waist all the time. That is because a growing waist is a danger sign. Most days, I am in denial of the inevitable but I try to move forward. This is my new normal.
Most of the reason I write all this is to make everyone appreciate their's. Doing the wash, going to work, changing diapers or emptying the dishwasher may seem like a pain in the neck to you. Do you understand how grateful you should be that you get to do it?
Believe it. Please enjoy mundane usual things. Your life doesn't last forever.
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